I just bought the popular organizing book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I HAD to the cover said “life changing magic!”
My purchase followed a “woah there is stuff everywhere and I’m drowning” meltdown I had Sunday. Proceeding the meltdown was an EMDR session (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprograming) session I’m doing to treat Post Traumatic Stress after our daughter’s illness. MAN I just put the two together! I’m ready to get back in control and clean out.
During EMDR the therapist guides you through a series of eye movements and then you say what comes to mind (given that I have almost no filter this is easy for me). During this session I kept seeing images of dirty and disorganized everything. NOTE: I am “type A” but only the drive and focus part not in the organized neat part- clear? clear.
We’ve all heard the saying, “if you don’t have your health you don’t have anything” and I’m going to agree to the extent that a health crisis can certainly make everything else in life melt away into a big irrelevant puddle. For me that meant about a year of very bare minimum in the homemakeing department, and I wasn’t starting from a good place so imagine.
The book teaches that we need to preform a marathon of tidying- about a six month period where we access each item in our home and either toss it or find its place. The author takes it a step further encouraging us to hold each item first and see how our body responds, we are to ask ourselves, “does this item spark joy?”
Now, I’m gonna take this analogy a little far so bear with me…
This “does it spark joy” part kind rubbed me the wrong way.
Once I clean out litterly and get rid of everything in my house that does not “spark joy” will I be better? Is that what my mind was trying to tell me during my EMDR session? Put everthign back in its place, clean it up and it will all be ok?
Here is what I think is going on.
I want SO BADLY to have control over my life.
I don’t want God to be in control if I’m really honest.
When he’s in control it gets messy and unpredictable and there is a lot of “stuff'” that does not “spark joy.”
This summer when our daughter feel deeper into her illness with PANDAS life melted away around her. There was no control over even the next second of our day let alone if it was laundry day or not. So now that she is doing better and I don’t NEED God as much -what am I going to do?
The ME wants to turn to books and organizing and perfecting to get the joy back.
But that never works I know it you probably know it- but so if not US then what? Who?
How am I going to put my house in order? Spark joy? Be happy? Regain control?
The truth is I’m not really sure yet. BUT I know enough to know that I don’t have the answer, but what I do have is an opportunity to let God lead even though now I could take back over…I don’t desperately cry on the bathroom floor NEED GOD. But wait I do.
As we step into the last weeks of December we are all going to ask ourselves- what’s next? What do we want for the new fresh year? What do we clean out? How do we “spark joy” in our lives?
I’m not knocking organization or cleaning, believe me I’m still going to do some serious physical decluttering over the next few weeks and I’ll still tighten up my exercise and eating come January 1st BUT I’m going to try to let God keep the control- turn to him for the joy I so desperately want to spark.
“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”